Wednesday, April 10, 2013

A year later --

Wow. It's been awhile since I've written in here. I guess the way I handle my blog mirrors the way I handle my diabetes (though not proportionally). Long periods of willful ignorance, followed by a short burst of extra detailed dedication. Rinse, repeat.

I've never, ever claimed to be good at this. But I never want to give up. So, even if there's a year in between entries, I'll still post. I am a writer at heart. Maybe sharing my experience living with diabetes isn't the niche for me. I think, if I can continue to blog with any regularity, this will be more about me -- and less about me with diabetes. There's always going to be something thrown in, but I want to expand on writing, I want to challenge myself.

So, I'm going to post the preface to my book here. It's all I've written so far. Truly, I don't even know what it's going to be about yet. Except that it will be me. In one way or another. I hope you enjoy the read.


            Dating can be a weird world. In the most simple of explanations, it’s a rollercoaster. First, you wait in line. There are a hundred people in front of you. While you’re in line, they annoy the living hell out of you. Either they talk too loudly, they stand in your personal space, or they let too many people cut in front of you. These are your friends and acquaintances. It seems like they’re all in front of you in line – they’ll all get on the relationship rollercoaster before you. You get impatient. You think, "Hey! Isn't it my turn?"
But then, after what seems like decades of waiting, it’s finally your turn to take your seat. This is the first date. You can smell the leather of the seat. It’s new, it’s exciting. You’re not really sure what’s coming next but you definitely want to find out. You feel those butterflies in your stomach as the restraints lower over your shoulders. Oh shit – there’s no turning back now.
The next couple weeks are that slow hill the car climbs. It seems like it takes forever, but you think you’re getting to the good part. You are starting to understand the rollercoaster. You’ve gotten used to the safety harness, and it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. But you definitely still have the butterflies. Just when you get to the peak of the hill, and the car tips over the edge… this is when the ride either goes fantastically, or it goes horribly.
The downhill rush is where history is made. Either you love it, or you hate it. This is part of the relationship where you think, “Wow… this might be my favorite thing ever,” or you think, “When the fuck is this horrible ride over?” Some people have way too many issues – OCD, commitment issues, baggage from previous relationships. Sometimes they’re just maladjusted. Other people seem to fit with you like a puzzle piece. But this is the time of the ride when you figure it out.
As the car pulls in at the end of the ride, you have to decide: do I get off, run as far as humanly possible, and never get back on? Or do you stick it out for another go? Do you think, “Well, that wasn’t my favorite ride – but maybe there’s another one I’ll enjoy.” There’s no debate that dating always has it’s ups, downs, and inside-outs. Some people swear it off forever. Some people only have to ride once before they figure out they love the ride. And then there are people like me, who seem to find the rollercoasters with the highest, most terrifying drops, twists, turns, and loops. We jump on with eyes closed, hands up, expecting – hoping – for the greatest thrill of their life. The one that ends with a smile, with an excited sigh, leaving you wanting more. Then, reality strikes and we get off that ride, physically ill and sometimes a little worse for the weather.
It doesn’t always work out. Sometimes, we swear off the rollercoaster for awhile, to try to feel grounded again. Normal. To get our equilibrium back. But people like me can’t stay away for long. We go back again, and again, hoping for different results.
I still think I’ll ride a hundred rollercoasters still, to find the one that’s right for me.