the results.

So, it's been awhile since I've posted. I'm really a terrible blogger, let's face it. This is like that relationship in college when you were sorta in love with this guy but then every time he texted you, you forgot to text back because you became busy reorganizing your refrigerator. But, I'm not going to quit! I love writing and while I may not do it publicly very often, I think I should have the freedom to do it when I want, about what I want! Right? Right!

Reading my last blog, I was talking about being excited about diabetes. And, go figure, I still kinda am. My A1C results came back even better than I ever dreamed - 6.8! I have never, ever, in my entire life been under a 7 (at least that my late-twenty year old brain can recall). My endocrinologist started to chastise me for the sudden 3.1 drop, citing too many lows on my Dexcom graph, and I stopped him.

"You know what? I'm gonna call this a win." I could tell he had not had many patients talk back to him, because he sort of sheepishly laughed and went onto the next subject. But, I wasn't about to allow this doctor who, despite all of his knowledge of the disease, has never had to deal with a day of diabetes for himself, for real. The reason I got the Dexcom was to put my blood sugar readings into context - to know where I was going next. And even though there were some (okay, a LOT) of lows, I only slept through that terribly shrill beeping once. I don't feel in danger from the lows -- yet. I know they can be dangerous, I'm not discounting that. But I made a step in the right direction. And I felt that, at the time, I needed credit for that. This is something that I think comes up a lot with us PWDs.

Give credit where it's due, right? Don't say, "Great job, but..." Just say, "Great job." Obviously I know there were too many lows. I'm working on it. But one thing at a time! This was something that came up in my True Life episode, and it still comes up in conversations with my parents. I'm getting better at explaining my feelings to them, but it's not so easy to have that heart to heart with our healthcare professional (all the time). While some people don't need to be acknowledged at all, those of us like me -- the ones who constantly crave validation, appreciation, recognition for our hard work -- need a little pat on the back.

So, that's what I did.

And guess what? In the past 6 weeks since I've had those results, I've cut my lows. While I was regularly going low two or three times a day, now it's once every three days. I adjusted my basal and my line runs flat fasting, like ... all the time, almost. It's kind of amazing. I kind of want to fast all day just so I can have one flat line graph for an entire day. But I like food way too much.

So, what's the next challenge? Well, not dying... that's always one. But aside from that, my next goal is weight loss. I've struggled with diabulemia in the past (try 11th grade, when I ended up in the hospital for ketoacidosis for the second time), and I know that's a road I'm never going down again. I feel lucky that now when my blood sugar is over 250 for more than a few hours I start to feel sick. Back in the day, I could go days without injecting any insulin and still be functioning. Now, my body warns me that I can't go down that road. It's a blessing in disguise.

It's gonna be a journey to lose 60 pounds, but I think I'm up to it. I've been talking about this for while, I've been getting on and off the wagon. A friend recently lost nearly 50 pounds and I'm jealous every time I look at her. I think, if she can do it, so can I.

Onto the next adventure...

psst .. remember me, diabetes? i'm back for you.

I've had an enlightening, y'all. I'm finally excited about diabetes. And not in the, "YAY! I'm diabetic!" way. In the, "I'm going to literally kick diabetes' ass and wipe the floor with it" kind of way. In november, I started getting (more) serious about my health and particularly, my weight. It's been a weird journey, and to be honest - not very successful so far. I have good weeks, then bad weeks (like.. six of them... in a row), and then when the jeans don't fit well again, I get back on the wagon.

I had been using a Medtronic Minimed pump since about 2006, but lately I felt like it was getting in the way. I had an issue with the pump malfunctioning (a third time) after a night of dancing. I was just ready for something new, I think. When you're 19 and in college and about to go on the pump, you get giddy at just the thought of never taking a shot again. I jumped on the first recommendation my doctor gave. I never tried out the options, never played the field. So, in February, I decided it was time.

What's funny is I didn't do anymore research this time around. I wanted the Omnipod and that's what I got. Maybe in another few years I'll try a different pump. Who knows. But I wanted the feeling of being "untethered" for awhile. No tubes, no clipping on belts. And so far, it's been very liberating. With the new devices, I've found a new love for my CGM, and have been using it pretty much nonstop for 4 months.

For the first time in forever, I'm excited to get an A1C done. I know it won't be perfect, but it will be better. I think it'll be under 8 for the first time in as long as I can remember. That hope fuels me. It makes me think - hey, I CAN be good at this. I AM good at this. I'm better at managing my own diabetes than diabetes is at managing me. I'm in charge, and I'm going to make sure that my little friend is on its best behavior. Well, you know ... as best I can. Diabetes is like an adolescent teenager, sometimes it doesn't listen unless you give it pizza, right?

Anyway. It's been forever and a day since I blogged. A lot of it was shame. What did I have to say about diabetes? Nothing. I wasn't good at managing mine, I had no helpful advice -- who would want to read what I had to say? But the confidence is back and while people still might not want to read what I have to say, I'm gonna do it away.